FREAKING HOT

Hell Yes

#$%^ this guy is HOT. I didn't even know I had a thing for Asian men. Well, i like men in general, so I guess it really doesn't matter where he is from. I am very pleased. Men, try very hard to be this handsome. AND, BUT, if you think you are even HOTTER, send me a pic. Please.

I Probably Shouldn't Admit to This...

Not only is it a long story, but unbelievably true. Here we go.

Last night, my friend natalie decided that an old mutual friend of ours needed to give her her stuff back. This is of course, with a certain determination in her voice after drinking beers and rolling off of a few hours of unsatisfying sleep. I may have meant that last part more for me, but it was twelve thirty in the morning, two and a hlf hours past my usual bed time, and i had nothing better to do than to agree with her.

"I called her," she said. She had.
"She said she'd bring me my stuff." She sure did.

But homegirl sure didnt show up and we had been waiting aorund all day for her. That's when the moment of maddness seized us both becuase she said, "wanna go with me to break into her house?"
and i said, "sure."

next thing i know we are speeding down all the dark, street light-less streets in Tallahassee with a digital camera and a giddy laugh to arm us. It was about one o'clock when we got to her house but she wasn't home and her dogs were sounding the alarm that we had arrived. After opening up the back gate, finding an open window and shimming in through it....(and landing on a few things in the kitchen), we went around and started to loot like a motherf*cker.

Laughing and stealing, stealing and laughing and taking pictures like FOOLS. About...oh, say...SIX minutes in, I decide to play the good look out and check the front window. Who should I see but the owner of the house heading up the driveway.

Natalie is raiding the fridge when this happens.

"She's home...right now...we have to leave."

I hear a skeptical voice from the darkness. "What?"

When i bolted for the backdoor, she followed fashion and like the dolts we are. tried to pull an in door OUT. Frantic struggling, harsh whispering, success, we shot out into the night like the thieves we were and turned frantic circles trying to figure out where to go.

Can't hop the neighbor's fence on the right..he's in the marines and there is a backyard party next to him. Bush and train tracks straight back, along with pure darkness, and the other neighbor is just too far away from the car.

Fudge. I'm going to go to jail, were not going to get into Medschool (be worried) and im going to get raped in jail because i'm light skinned. Oh God, both of us.

We ditch the stuff behind the deck and pretend that we JUST got to her house and all. When she swings open the backdoor and there were are, bold faced and red handed.

A few knife pulls and arguments later, we bail before the cops arrive (yes, we did remember to take the stuff in the yard).

Today, dressed as regular citizens, we changed all the locks on the doors and the security code should some hoodlums try to rob from us our things we stole in honor.

I hate a thief.

Old Faithful

'ello, kids.

I'm certain all of you invisible readers missed me desperately. Well, i went out with a friend of mine for an evening of foolishness (this friend, by the way, i mentioned before in the last blog so guess who're still friends??? YAY! US> :D)

I supported his new drinking habit so I am currently broke. By the end of the night i was hiccuping like wild bill and laughing hysterically at nothing although i didn't have a drop to drink ( i left my ID trying to flee from someone). I just can't stay up past ten pm and by then it was after midnight.

So when i got home (home, is really an airbed on the floor at a friend's house) i was laying but for a moment when my phone went off at 1245 in the monin'. It was the old boy.

hello?

boy: Hey sweetie. i know it's late.

yeah, i called you centuries ago.

boy: i just got off work. I am getting home now. What are you doing?

i just got in.

boy: you dont feel like haning out with your boy for a while, do you?

yeah but it's a hell of a drive.

boy: you don't have to leave.

Hmm. Consider this: the last line sent me spiraling into a titilating fantasy about James Franco, Johnny Dep, Will Lemay all saying this in unison and all drunk and ready to submit to my will. I am reaching for a tub of butter...

ah the point being, i havent seen the old boy for a WHILE now since we "seperated" on account of me graduating and all but circumstance has found me back in tallahassee and back in his arms laughing at "to Catch a Predator" and discussing the seriousness of it all. I decide im not gonna have any kids to avoid his debaucle. He decides to kill anyone who comes near his child. Whatever works.

Two hours later i am waking up still feeling restless at four thirty and i realise that i still have the remote clutched in my hand and i am sweaty because he is clinging to me like seran wrap and i am not flattered or feeling warm and bubbly inside. In fact i was wanting nothing more than for my air mattress and a glass of water to quench my cotton mouth due to my sudden ipen mouthed slumber.

Shit. Now he knows in the morning i look like death seized me and my subconscious won the battle, tossing me back into my frazzled body. I don't have my facewash, toothbrush, comb and brush...(despite this my body smells fabulous. uh huh). Ease out of his grasp. Make a bolt for the door. I turn slightly and feel his hand dragging down my side. I reach for my car keys

TINKLE TANK CHINK CHANKLE CLICK DING CLACK

That is them evading my fingertips and cascading onto the floor and skidding to a stop against the wall. He shuffles, rolls, takes me with him as if i am not a person at all and rather a flesh teddy bear. My arm is still lingering in the air as i turn to face him to see if he is awake and insulted. Nope. Eyes shut, vise grip, REM sleep, and luckily, breathing through his nose quietly because morning breath is NEVER cool.

I am, in fact, trapped.

Thank God my company is handsome.